Oh No! I Just Learned about Sharks

JP Perumba de Puthenveetil

I didn’t know about sharks until after I was told to write an article about them.

Holy @%!&

We are all dead. Seriously, I don’t know if you know about these guys but if you don’t, I really envy you. What are we doing trying to solve global warming and overpopulation when we have an epidemic of mother@$^%ing SHARKS!

I can’t tell you how horrified I was to discover these things. I don’t dare to try to describe them. It’s too hard. Your minds would disintegrate if I told you everything about these beasts. Just to give you a taste, I’ll at least compare them to a type of foliage. Plantain lilies. Your heard it here sharks are the plantain lilies of the ocean. Now we all have some idea of how truly terrifying they are.

This is really important guys. We seriously need to stop everything we are doing and start spreading the word. The devil’s children live in our oceans! Quit your day job, its time to band together and stop these things before its too late.

My plan: just get rid of the ocean entirely. We didn’t use it for anything before anyways. Its just sitting there, get rid of it. I know it seems like a difficult task but I have a plan for that too. From kinda listening to my science teachers in high school, I know that the moon is very important to the ocean for some reason.

So lets blow up the moon. I assume that when we blow up the moon the ocean will just disappear or something like that. And I know what your thinking, Neil Armstrong lives on the moon. Well that’s just a casualty we’ll have to face, he’s an American hero, its what he signed up for.

We can no longer keep the world in the dark about this subject. These lil swimmers have got to go.