My Friend Aiden is the Supreme Court

By J.P. Perumba de Puthenveetil

I know almost nothing about the Supreme Court, but I’m almost 100% percent sure they are just my friend Aiden in disguise. This is exactly the kind of thing Aiden would do. It’s why we call him Aiden “The Thunder” Stevens; because he’s always partaking in these kinds of high jinks.  

I know where it all started, when we were kids we once had a sleepover and watched Cats and Dogs, the movie about pet espionage. He saw my eyes as I watched it. He just knew that the enjoyment I got out of cats committing crimes would lead to a passion for the judicial system. Then he could bamboozle me by pretending to be the nine most powerful judges in America. Well he was wrong; I just got really into beagles. I know nothing about the judicial system.

But still, I knew it was him. I happened upon Associate Justice Clarence Thomas  (since October 23, 1991, age 70) when I looked up “Best people named Clarence.” There was no doubting it. This was Aiden in disguise.  They were all Aiden in disguise. He wasn’t even close to pulling the wool over me. I could spot his hairline from anywhere. I mean come on Aiden! I know for a fact that your childhood pet tortoise was named Chief Justice John Roberts (since September 25, 2005, Age 63).

It’s just silly at this point. Aiden go ahead and come down from those nine chairs. The jig is up. I can’t believe you’d think I’d believe Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor (since August 8, 2009, Age 64) was a real person. Everyone knows that the Sotomayor dynasty ended 78 years ago with the great Archibald Sotomayor at the battle of William H. Macy.

It was fun for a little while but its time to end this tomfoolery. Unveil your masks and dismantle the 229 years of laws and history you’ve crafted just to spur on these antics. Better luck next time Aiden.